This blog has been migrated to http://kelvinthong.blogspot.com

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. “I’m lost,” said the man. “Can you put me up for the night?”

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“Certainly,” the Chinese man said, “but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man.”

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“Ok,” said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.

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Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn’t keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man’s warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn’t hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy.

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He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, “Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest.”

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“Well, that’s pretty crappy,” he thought. “If that’s the best the old man can do then I don’t have much to worry about.” He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: “Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle.”

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In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder.

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As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, “Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost.”

Man… I remember when i was Standard 5, I have this really sweet Moral teacher. One of the assignment that i remembered she gave the class is, we were required to write down our character, draw some pictures, colour it, and state down our ambitions. I told her sincerely that i want to become a cartoon character! If i can’t, then i’ll settle becoming a clown.

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She replied to my letter, saying that I’ve got potential to lighten up people around me. Making people around me laugh seems to be a natural strength within myself.

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Throughout high school & college, i enjoyed spamming jokes. Be it intelligent or just plain dry, i never fail to make people laugh. Be it decent or plain nasty, cheap dirty jokes, what i said are welcomed by both genders.

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Even when i just checked back my testimonials, beginning with those dated from 2005, when i started using friendster, a good majority said that i was able to cook up a few good jokes. (Lee Zhern Yuen was my first friend to drop me a testi, a standing ovation please everyone)

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Now… dear god, what have i become? Why?

THATS IT!!!

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I’ve had it with the management of KLCC..! But before i proceed further, lets recap on what happened to me on the 29th May 2007.

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It was a Tuesday night, and i’ve been resting my knee for around 3-4 months… I thought to myself, "Hmmm KT, I can now jump, run, kick & carry heavy stuff… lets do some Beckham shit tonight!!"

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Tuesday night, 10p.m.: I arrived at the pitch, the smell or artificial grass and the sight of the ball, made me felt like Zidane already… Joe was with me, he hadn’t been playing just as long as me. We were both hyped up.

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We warmed up while waiting for the first 2 teams to battle out each other. Then, **RING**!!! TIMES UP FOR THEM, Zidane Thong  enters the pitch. As hyped up as I can be, I’m a little doubtful of myself. Hence, i thought of being a goalkeeper first, just to refresh the hang of the game. Hence, i turned into Kelvin Clemence.

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After 3-4 minutes, one of the striker from my team exhausted, and said "Oi, Kelvin Clemence, I kienot make it jor!! Lemme GK for a while." Then Kelvin Gerrard springs into the field, assuming the defender position!

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5 seconds later - GK throws Kelvin Gerrard the ball.

1 second later - Opposing team’s striker begins to speed at my direction.

0.5 second later - Kelvin Gerrard moves to the left.

0.5 second later - Kelvin Gerrard fakes to the right.

0.2 second later - Kelvin heards *CRACK*

0.1 second later - Excrutiating pain from left knee goes to Kelvin’s head

0.05 second later - Kelvin falls

1 second later - Opponent striker who initially wanted to tackle the ball from me arrived and asked "Oi, lei yau si mou?"

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So… i reinjured my knee, same place, same problem, double the pain…

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COMING BACK TO THE ORIGINAL OBJECTIVE OF THIS BLOG

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I was right in front of the entrance of Tower 1 of KLCC (right in front i tell u!, RIGHT IN FRONT!!!), wanting to go to Maybank, which is located beneath Tower 1. I was limping my way there, and I came across a cop from Tower 1, outside the Tower.

Cop: Halo, ini entrance untuk employee saja, u masuk ikut main entrance.

KT: Bang, saya mau pergi Maybank saja (Points to escalator to Maybank) and shows injured knee

Cop: Maybank ah? Took a look at my knee

KT: Betul bang…

Cop: Saya KATA, IKUT Main entrance kat sana!!! and walks off

Instead of allowing me to walk through tower 1, i was forced to use the red dotted path, through the main entrance.

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You know what? FUCK KAO YOU AND YOUR WHOLE FAMILY YOU STUPID RETARDED WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHITTY SON OF A BITCH COP!!!!!!

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My experience with The Two Towers have left me concluding the below:

(2-3 months back then)

Tower 2:- It was MESSED UP

(Today………………)

Tower 1:- It was SCREWED UP

Hence,

KLCC:- IS FUCKED UP!