Swirling in the mind of my own…..
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"There is a problem. There seems to be a problem. I know there is… But does it all resides on my side? I don’t know… That was not the best phone conversation that I had. I say, its one of the worst. It was dreadful. I cannot justify what I actually did. I cannot give myself any reasons why I did it. I was angry, tired, frustrated…..
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Do I owe an apology? For what? For being rude? Maybe… But why am I not apologizing? What is holding me back? I feel awful… but do I feel guilty? Whats the root of the cause? Could it be me? It eventually could. I think I’m not a very good one when it comes to PR or communicating. I see people getting tired of me. And there are those who actually got tired of me.
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I drove out… had a cup of tea, weather was cold & breezy, most suitable to rethink my methods. I reflect back on the conversation. It has always been like this… - it seems. I know that in the earlier days, I’ve shown little efforts in paying attention. But why do I react in such a way? Was i just being honest that I wasn’t interested in that topic? That, that kind of thing doesn’t affect my life? Or whatever reasons? Or was I just plain ignorant? I know it wasn’t approriate from a lot of perspective, but should i lie to myself just to make the situation looks a little more right? Or instead of lying to myself, can I just learn to adapt? Learn to be sincerely interested in the life of the one that matters most to me? Am I not interested to learn? Or is it because that I’m just plain lazy & couldn’t be bothered?"
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I don’t wish to continue, I’m getting nowhere. I’m not even paying attention to the screen to what i’m writing. I’m just looking at the keyboard… releasing my current thoughts on it. Trying to get some senses into myself. Trying to reason the logic. I want to know the root cause. I think i know the root cause. But why am i like that?……………………………… I’m turning in circles again. I live in denial..
But, I sincerely give the team full credits for the movie below.